| Riddles??
1. Why did the bees take so long getting out of the ark when the
doors were finally open?
(They were in the archives)
2. How did Pharaoh's daughter come into financial gain? (She
found a little prophet floating in the Nile.)
3. Who has been the happiest man on earth? (Adam, because he
did not have a mother-in-law)
Submitted by Anna from Mexico
4. What kind of lights did Noah use at night? (Floodlights)
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What
kids say:
An associate minister visited our Sunday school class one morning,
and asked, "What would you like me to talk about?" One
child spoke up boldly and said, "About 3 minutes!"
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Overheard Prayers:
"Please Lord give me patience, and hurry."
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The
Atheist in the Woods:
One day a devout atheist was walking through the woods, admiring
the towering trees and beautiful birds. As he contemplated how all
of this evolved from nothing, he suddenly heard a noise behind him.
As he turned to look, he saw a huge bear staring right at him. The
atheist ran as fast as he could down the path, his heart pounding
in his chest, the bear still right behind him. Trying to jump over
a log blocking the path, he tripped and fell. He was certain he
broke his leg. As the bear hovered over him, he cried out, "Lord
save me!" At that moment, all time stood still. A deep voice
came from above saying, "Why should I save you?" "I
have broken my leg, and can not run!" said the atheist. "The
bear will surely eat me!" The voice from above replied, "All
of your life you have rejected me, and have persecuted my followers.
Only now that you are about to die do you want to be a Christian."
"You are right, I am not worthy to become a Christian,"
the atheist admitted. "So can you at least make the bear a
Christian?" "Very well," the voice said. "I
will do as you ask." Suddenly, time started up again, and the
man was looking up at the bear. Then, the bear kneeled down and
put its' front paws together. And prayed, "Thank you Father
for these bountiful gifts I'm about to receive...
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| This
Explains it:
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. And the
earth was without form and void and darkness was upon the face of
the deep. And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.
And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding
seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that
it was good.
And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness,
and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the
fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the earth."
So God created man in his own image; male and female. And God looked
upon man and woman as saw that they were lean and fit.
And Satan said, "I know how I can get back in this game."
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach,
vegetables of all kinds, so man and woman would live long an healthy
lives.
And Satan created fast food, and brought forth the 99-centdouble
cheeseburger. And Satan said to man, "You want fries with that?"
And man said, "Super size them please." And man gained
5 pounds.
And God created healthy yogurt, so woman might keep her figure that
man found so fair. Then Satan brought forth chocolate, and woman
gained 5 pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." And Satan brought
forth ice cream, and woman gained 10 more pounds.
And God said, "I have sent thee healthy vegetables and olive
oil to cook them." And Satan brought fourth chicken-fried steak
so big it needed its own platter. And man gained 10 pounds and his
bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and man resolved to lose those
extra pounds. And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control
so man would not have to toil to change channels. And man gained
another 20 pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And
God brought forth the potato, and other vegetables low in fat and
brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthy skin and
sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And
he created sour cream dip also.
And man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled
in cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good."
And man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed, and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMO's.
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